I said I would try online dating for three months and see how it feels. 

It feels like Dating Dodge Ball. I’m either being stung by someone, being stung myself, or getting the hell away from someone.

Just last week, I thought this week’s title would be Last Man Standing… but nope, turns out to be Woman Still Standing.

This latest online dating adventure is best described as a near-miss. I started chatting with a man January 15. It took me a while to warm up to him because he seemed a little eccentric. Eccentric in a positive way, but still eccentric. He is an independent researcher and was up to his neck in extra work due to Covid-19. Therefore, he was under stress, seemingly exhausted, and with limited time for a relationship. Add to the mix, a two hour drive, covid restrictions, bad weather, vehicle problems… and so we never met in person.

As we were talking and generally trying to get to know each other, I admit to being a little concerned about his availability and presence to a relationship. When he left me three minute long voice messages complaining about business stresses, upsets, and things gone wrong, I had to wonder why would anyone leave a message like that to someone they are trying to connect with? I understand work stress — been there — but those messages did nothing to improve our connection.

And then, he would say the right thing at the right time. Not just the right thing, but something that suggested thoughtfulness, respect, curiosity; all my favourite things. Each and every time he responded in this manner, I liked him a little more. 

He and I both know, if we lived ten or twenty minutes apart, we would have met within the first week or two. Instead, we had video calls, voice messages and texts.

Now, here is a bit of wisdom — when you are messaging and texting for weeks, you learn each other’s schedules and routines. Texting falls into a pattern. When that pattern changes, it’s a head’s up. I’ve learned. 

He ended the ‘relationship’ respectfully. At least I wasn’t ghosted once again. He left a lengthy voice message, detailing his business concerns, no time for a relationship, and… the driving distance. 

My spidey online dating sense, (which has improved dramatically!) tells me he moved on to someone who lives closer. My self esteem tells me he chose convenience over quality, and hey, his choice.

I can’t say as I’m hurt so much as disappointed because we hadn’t even met yet. I feel a little like the parking lot in the Joni Mitchell tune. You don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone. I’d had my guard up when we first started talking and I think I could have been a little more open to the possibilities a little sooner, a little less closed perhaps.

Possibilities. Let’s talk about that. Ongoing daily communication creates expectations and it inspires possibilities. My imagination kicked in and I found myself hoping this person would turn out to be the person I was hoping he would be. Make sense?

I didn’t get to know him well enough to say whether we had a connection worthy of a quality relationship. But knowing that doesn’t really matter; it’s the truncated possibilities, the missed chance to find out that creates the disappointment. I was expecting dates, I was planning what to wear, I was looking forward to it all.

Staying true to my original commitment, I have cancelled my membership on the site. Not because of any particular one of my experiences, but because it is time for me to refocus on my other interests and projects.

Next week, some final comments on what I learned about myself, what I learned about modern dating, and why I will try again. 

Stay safe everyone.

Anne Milne is an every Sunday blogger.  Facebook or Twitter.