It’s a RollerCoaster
Ideally, all of us in the singles market would meet our potential partners organically. You know, the ‘cute-meet’ of romcom mythology, where the universe conspires to orchestrate coincidental meetings; eye contact over the melons and bananas at the fruit stand, and then of course, later the same day at the local book shop…
Instead, the universe has conspired to bring us online dating. It is not for the weak minded or the faint of heart. It is a roller coaster. The ups are full of anticipation, boosting both your ego and your optimism. The downs can leave you feeling disappointed, self doubtful, or, in my case, critical, cynical, and bored with it all.
These sites are big business. Being single has been commoditized and all of us who have entered into the fray are forming the marketplace. The sheer number of faces presented on the search page encourages a kid in a candy store mentality. It can also encourage the ‘look and delete’ mentality that I engage in. It’s like I’m ripping through a roll of paper towels to clean up a mud puddle. Tear and discard, tear and discard. Nope, nope, nope, not-a-chance, nope.
In all of my deleting and discarding, I have very likely bypassed some very decent men. It’s part of the impersonal nature of online dating. Too much selection and yet, not enough. Many people stay on these sites for years, jumping from one site to another, because maybe, just maybe, the one you are looking for is on the other site.
In spite of the personal information I share on this blog, I’m essentially a private person. There remains an element to this online partner shopping that offends my sensibilities. I don’t like seeing that someone from somewhere liked my pictures and has sent me a comment on my appearance. And sometimes, they have not even posted their own picture. I know this is part of the game, but I don’t have to like it.
Sixteen more days before I end this online dating adventure. I will sign off with relief regardless of whether my experiment has been successful or not. I have said from the beginning, I will put in my three months and then I’m out. Friends have challenged me on this – saying I don’t really mean that because… What else am I going to do? Well there is absolutely nothing wrong with my Plan B; I will embrace the lifestyle and freedom that goes with living alone. And, who knows, perhaps one day when I’m choosing from a selection of melons at the fruit market…
Next week I will post a summary of who I connected with, why, how it went, and how it ended. And… will there be a last man standing? (Yes, it is possible.) Code names will be used to protect the guilty innocents.
Stay safe everyone.
You have done a great job in exploring this world and you wrote it with candor and humour. It takes great courage – I thank you for sharing this experience and giving your perspective. Bravo.
Thank you, I appreciate your comment.
I met Wolfgang off Zoosk but we were both apparently on Match. We did not notice each other there. Also, I do believe that my profile still exists on both sites and possibly one other even though I have not paid in over two years. That does feel creepy. I wonder if this is how they look like they have way more singles than they actually do? I will wait and see if you did indeed find someone you want to explore a relationship with. Two years into my relationship, the hardships are not so much with us as a couple but blending our families. That is a whole new ballgame. Your blogs sure make me reflect.
As I said in a previous post, life is messy. Relationships, as you know, are a lot of work and sometimes the work involves more than the two people who started things. I have wondered if some of the no-photo responses are from profiles that have expired.
Thank you for your comment.