Twice I’ve had a European man show up in my online dating feed with the message, “I’m looking for someone to live part time in Europe and possibly part of the year in the south. I would like to talk to you.” And twice, I’ve hit the delete button as fast as I could. 

What is a serious ‘NO!’ for me is quite possibly a ‘JACKPOT!’ for someone else. I object most strongly to this gentleman putting his properties first and it sounds like he wants a woman to fit into his preexisting lifestyle. He is 70… maybe he feels there is no time to waste, so better get right to the point. However, the apparent lack of interest in what I might want is an immediate red flag to me. At the very least, I expect a hello before talking about which continent we’re going to live on.

And then there is the 56 year old ‘Career bachelor, just seeing if there is something to this whole relationship thing, not holding out much hope.’ Best of luck with that entry line, Bud. 

Which brings me to green flags. With the men whom I am talking and texting with, (only two face to face meetings so far), I find myself listening hard for the red flags. Well, what about green flags?

There is risk in any relationship. The challenge is to know before the relationship begins what you have to offer, and what you are willing to concede. Most importantly, what any of us need to know is that if the relationship does not work out, we will be okay. If all of us know this about ourselves beforehand, then there is freedom to take a chance on someone.

It also helps if you believe there is no such thing as one person needing another person to complete themselves. Did a fairy somewhere just die?

We all come with red flags; past histories, a bit of family baggage, unresolved issues… And we all come with green flags; a sense of humour, curiosity, respect, ability to resolve issues, to be supportive… 

We need little weigh scales on which we can drop red flags on the left, green on the right.

Stay safe everyone.

Anne Milne is an every Sunday blogger.  Facebook or Twitter.