NEXT!
Anne holds the back of her hand against her furrowed brow as she recounts; Nigel is under the bed, Cedric is in the closet, but, Oh! Oh! Whatever has she done with William??
…And in the next scene, Anne lolls listlessly on the living room floor picking at lint on the carpet…
Neither of these scenarios is remotely true of course.
However, it seems to be feast or famine in this online dating world. One minute there are fast and furious texts and emails with a few different possibilities… and then it slows to a crawl. Both sides lose interest, there just isn’t a spark to be generated. And then I’m listlessly scrolling and deleting photos, scrolling and deleting. Occasionally I hit the ‘like’ button… see what happens. Sigh, scroll, delete, repeat.
One thing I’ve learned is it’s easy to develop an image of who someone might be through their style of texting. The key phrase here is ‘might be’. Those texts are no substitute for the reality of who we are as people. Or what we would be like in a relationship. They are just texts.
With one suitor, the texting was fun. Like, a lot of fun. There was banter, there was flirting, there was even a little sexting… I felt like Pavlov’s dog, skittering down the hallway as soon as I heard the familiar ping. But on a phone call? Or even via video call? We could not connect. It was odd and made me uncomfortable. I could see a red flag waving in the back of my mind.
When he asked me if I was ‘quiet’ I realized he is not understanding who I am. At all. When he texted what he was looking for in a relationship I responded, very nicely, very thoroughly, that I did not see us in a long term relationship. He texted back ‘ok’ and that was the end of that.
The texting had been fun but the assumptions we were making about each other were totally off base and unrealistic. I could have easily ghosted him. I can understand how tempting ghosting is; such a simple solution to an uncomfortable situation. I remain committed to never ghosting anyone.
We’ll see what this week brings. Listless scrolling or frenzied texting? I’m getting wise to both.
Stay safe everyone.
Hi I am enjoying your current activities. Thought about it and thought what would I want or what to look for and couldn’t figure it out so I am living vicariously through your activities. Have fun. Rochelle
Thanks Rochelle! I am trying to have fun with it. And sometimes it is. I suppose it’s like anything else, I’ll get out of it what I put into it. I’ll try to have some extra fun on your behalf. Smiles, A.
Yes I have to agree that it has been fun to read about this whole experience.
Your voice has been heard Anne and I am truly enjoying it.
Thanks for sharing this.
Thank you Anonymous. I always appreciate the feedback and support!
Well Anne…I wanted to hear the ending to the first paragraph!!! But I can well imagine how stale a dating site could get after several trials and errors. Hope your efforts are rewarded before you lose enthusiasm!
I promise I will tell the ending to the first paragraph if it ever turns out to be true!
Dear Anne, you have become my dating oracle. Still reeling from the nurse or purse quote! Thank you for being brave and honest.
Ha! I can see why you would appreciate that comment!
Thank you!
Anne. What is ghosting? I was reading your feast or famine paragraph thinking of trying to sell something on kijiji. Not you but the interested only to disappear, and never be heard from again.I really enjoy ready your blog. Your much older, always friend. John
Hi John,
Ghosting is when someone stops answering or responding to texts and emails. They just drop off… and never return. It is an easy way out, but a sign of emotional immaturity. If you can’t spend a few uncomfortable minutes to finish things off properly, you are not ready for the heavy lifting a long term relationship requires.
Good to hear from you, thanks for commenting.
Not that much younger, always friend,
Anne