Online Luggage and Fruit
Maya Angelou says you should never commit to anyone until you see how they handle lost luggage.
In the profile section of the online dating site I’m using, most participants describe what they are looking for in a partner. One gentlemen said he was ready to submit his will for the happiness of a good woman. Hmmm, I bet you don’t really mean that. Another wanted sunshine smiles and rainbow laughter. I broke my fingernail on the delete button.
It baffles me how some men and, I suspect, women too, picture the relationship they are looking for. They want the easy bits — all snuggles, home cooking and companionship. Fair enough… but relationships are hard work. And things get messy if you combine houses, families and grown children. How do you handle lost luggage? A change in health? A change in income? Someone who leaves coffee grounds in the machine?
I entered into this search, in part, to test whether or not I even want a relationship. I can’t sit here by myself waiting for a personal epiphany — “There! I am now ready for a relationship.” I don’t believe it works that way. We learn about ourselves through our community. The challenge is to listen.
I had a phone conversation with one of my mutual ‘likes’. Midway through the conversation he told me I seemed standoffish. I didn’t disagree, I knew I was being defensive.
As we discussed my reasons for sounding guarded, he raised the label to say I have a ‘wall’ up. I expect I do. Can you deal with it? That’s my lost luggage we’re talking about, and I know for certain, if I get to know this person, he has lost luggage I’ll have to deal with.
So many of these men make it very clear they are looking for long term. I am not. I’m sorting out whether or not I even want a relationship. We are apples and oranges right from the start. I will defend my right to remain a single orange if that is what I choose.
This online search is a process. If I get the same message consistently — that I am too guarded or standoffish, then there’s my answer; I’m not ready to date if I can’t let my guard down. The community will have spoken. At that point, I will choose to remain a single piece of fruit until I’m ready for new luggage. (I’m sure there’s a joke in there somewhere…)
I will be taking a break for Christmas and New Year’s. Have a wonderful holiday season!
Stay safe everyone.
I think the person who pointed out that he felt you were “standoffish” was rather insightful. I’m guessing that he, like most men on that site, are looking for a long term relationship. So I’ll suggest that perhaps your involvement on the site is a bit disingenuous. Said with all due respect for your adventurousness!
Thank you, yes, that is true. And his comments were fair and astute. However, don’t all relationships start out with an agreement to get to know one another first? I would be willing to go long term should a relationship develop, and I think that is fair too.