Does public opinion have any business commenting on a marriage?  

For those of you who have been married a long time and consider your marriage successful, would you want the details of your worst ‘big fight’ aired in public? Each of you recounting from memory who said what? What was the basis for the disagreement? Long standing issues you say? Please explain.

I’m fond of saying nobody knows a couple like the couple knows the couple. From the outside looking in, there is no way to know what any particular marriage or relationship is really like. Good, bad, or mutual desperation, only the two involved know for sure.

I’ve hit upon this topic because of the feeding frenzy over the Depp/Heard trial. Apparently, if public opinion were the judge, Depp would emerge victorious with his reputation and fan base restored if not his Disney contract.

If there was physical and/or emotional abuse committed by either party, then yes, please settle the matter, but do so behind closed doors. A live camera only provides salacious fodder without any thoughtful discussion regarding spousal abuse, what are survivor rights, or how to safely end an abusive relationship. 

I could care less who is innocent or guilty between Depp and Heard. I care about the non-celebrity spouse who may be struggling. Discussions around this trial seem to be lacking any depth. Or maybe my social feeds lack depth.

Which brings me back to nobody knows a couple like the couple knows the couple. Only Depp and Heard, or Henry and Anne Boleyn know what happened between them, what drew them together, or what ripped them apart. 

I am a big fan of Esther Perel. She has a podcast in which couples participate in a first time, once only marital counselling session with her. It’s fascinating to hear couples fight, complain, struggle, accuse, weep and blame… and then to hear Perel’s intervening comments and questions. Some sessions result in the couple resolving their issues, and others perhaps not. At least there is some optimism, some hope, and a lot of respect for the challenges inherent in making a marriage work for both parties.

Finally, for the inquiring readers who really want to know, … Yes, I am still involved in my casual relationship. All good so far.

Stay safe everyone.

Anne Milne is an every Sunday blogger.  Facebook or Twitter.