What? Can it be true? Men complain about women?

If I look back over all my posts regarding my online dating experience, I can guarantee that for all my complaints and commentary on how men present themselves, the men have the same complaints about women. Poorly lit photos, photos from a decade ago, too many photos of their garden, or cats, pets, cars, motorcycles, or not enough photos, all accompanied by profiles that are sketchy, strident, negative, or too ‘cute’. 

I recently had a telephone conversation with a gentleman I met through Bumble. He asked me how recent were my photos; “Not to be rude, but there have been too many times when I met with someone who did not look at all like their photos”. Anyone I have talked to about online dating has had similar experiences. The person does not present as advertised.

Men have told me they did not appreciate being asked at the first coffee date to confirm they are looking for a long term relationship. I do not like that question either. Geez, can we just see if we have a connection first? Find some common ground, enjoy a little conversation before we talk about commitment? Or even a second date?

Another man told me he was texting with someone new, just going through the initial introductory ‘who are you’ texts. He told her he was divorced, she asked “Why didn’t your marriage work?” He was offended. It was too personal a question and far too soon in the conversation. As he put it, how can you explain all the nuances of a failed marriage in a text? He admitted to ghosting her then and there.

So if we all have the same complaints why is it so difficult to find a match online? Why is everybody complaining about the mistakes and missteps the other side is making? 

Back in my business days, whenever I heard a colleague complain about a client being a pain in the *neck* I used to say, “Well… you attract who you are…”. There is truth in that subtle tease and I would argue that that truth applies double to online dating. 

If there is no effort put into your photos, or if there is no positivity in your profile, who can you expect to respond?

By the way… I’m going to be deliberately coy with details, but I have had some online dating success. Finally. Yes, we have winner winner chicken dinner in the form of a very nice man who is looking for the same things in a relationship as I am right now. So far so good. 

Stay safe everyone.

Anne Milne is an every Sunday blogger.  Facebook or Twitter.