Online Dating? I dunno…
Widowhood means you are single through circumstance, not through choice. Some refer to grief as a process that you must work through. I prefer to think of it as a state. It comes and goes. It may be gone more often now than in previous months, but I still get waves of emotion over the most innocuous, unexpected and sometimes ridiculous things. And in the meantime, life goes on.
I mentioned last week that when it comes to dating I vacillate between why not and why bother. For at least a couple of months now I have been open to the possibility. Honestly, I know I am not ready to jump into the water, but I’m ready to test it out.
So how to go about dating in this pandemic world? The days of blind dates or dinners where you just happen to be sitting next to the hostess’s single cousin seem to be long gone. Meeting people at social events would be my preference, but those opportunities are limited.
Even though I know couples who met through online dating, for numerous reasons I have been reluctant to enter into this fray. There is an element in it that I find a tad creepy. Besides, how can I trust a dating app’s algorithms when Netflix can’t even find a movie I like?
The only answer is to either forget it altogether or give it a shot.
And to complicate things, I have an idea… the sociologist in me is tempted to run a wee experiment. What if I were to ask for good old fashioned help with meeting eligible suitors? What if I reached out to my online community (that would be you) for suggestions? What if I reawakened the matchmaking genes that formerly existed in maiden aunts everywhere? Would I be met with a flood of set-ups? Open mouthed stares? Radio silence?
Here goes. In the next week or so, I will choose a dating platform. I will craft a carefully worded bio, complete with recent pictures. And we’ll see. I’ll post my experiences here; the good, the bad and the catfish. I’ll be discreet, I’m not out to embarrass anyone, including myself.
And in the meantime, I’m willing to meet your single neighbours, cousins, or long lost uncles. The rule is, for obvious reasons, you reach out to me first. Just as with the online process, I have veto power and I won’t be afraid to use it.
I think it will be fascinating to compare the results between a dating apps’ algorithms and good old fashioned matchmaking. Again, …we’ll see.
With cheery trepidation, I’m testing the water. Please share your thoughts, ideas, suggestions, or concerns.
Stay safe everyone.
Well, I found Wolf on Zoosk. But I did try various sites including Match and Our Times. Lots of coffee dates. I was going off any dating sites and Wolf was my last date. Seriously. I put on my profile that I hated cruises and loved cats. The problem I found is the dating sites still have my profile and I have been with Wolf almost two years! It is hard to get off even when you no longer subscribe. Some men clearly want to HU or hook up as it is called for one date. Some men want to cry about their dead spouses. A lot. Some want someone who can cook them breakfast every morning or replace their dead spouse like a replica. One guy who was my age said to me ‘no offence but I am looking for someone younger and more athletic than you’. This guy was very average, with not that much going for him. So I wrote him back and said ‘such good news! So am I!’. Another guy who met me in person marvelled at how short I was. Definitely it was a meat market. I would never have found Wolfgang without all the earlier craziness. I love him to bits. Was it worth the guys getting past the catfishers and crying men to get to Wolf? Absolutely!
Thank you for this Barb, you made me laugh, especially your response “Good news, so am I”. Perfect. My friend said she told a contact he might have better luck on amazon where he could buy a Barbie. All these stories are why I have been so reluctant to do this. … but how else? Hence my grand experiment. We’ll see. BTW, very happy for you and Wolf.
Great post. Wish I had someone to recommend! Good luck with this and love that you’ll keep us posted.
You’ll likely be the first to know. Thanks for commenting.
Hey! My three sons all met their partners online, and they are all awesome, just sayin’ – good luck!
Thank you for this. Very encouraging.
Good luck to you Anne!!
Thanks Rod. I’m a little wary, but forging on ahead.
I’ve done my share of internet dating and I gotta say it certainly simplifies things a lot. Everyone that’s there is there because they are single and looking for a partner. This being said, for me it was a lot of one and done. Seemed hard to manufacture a connection with a complete stranger over a beer or coffee or whatever. I did have success, but the thing was that I always had some connection with the women outside of matching on a dating site, as in our social circles overlapped in a pretty significant way. Of course I met Gillian the old fashioned way. By getting hired by her.
That’s great, Gabe, thanks for posting this. The one thing that has come out of this post has been a lot of encouraging stories and support. Much appreciated.