Do you remember the first time you saw a pornographic movie? For most of us of a certain age, I’m guessing the average age would be twenty or so. 

Currently, the average age for the first time seeing pornography is eleven — even with parental controls on phones and screens. That seems pretty darn young to me. 

A friend recently told me she found pornography on her son’s cell phone. Another friend, young enough to have grown up with cell phones and computers told me that every kid knows which kids in their group has access to devices without parental controls. 

I suppose there is no way to completely safeguard against minors finding porn online. I’m not against pornography itself. Apparently the number of visits to porn sites dwarfs all visits to all other sites combined. That says something about who we are as humans and it’s not going to change any time soon.

For my friend who discovered her thirteen year old son had pornography on his phone the challenge was not how to control further access because she knows she probably can’t, but how to have a conversation about sex versus pornography. It’s not just what they’ve seen, but the interpretation of what they’ve seen. Is a thirteen year old boy going to tell his Mom what he thinks of sex now that he’s seen it portrayed in the manner of a simple pizza delivery turning into a raucous ménage a trois? 

Years ago, another parent friend told me he found pictures of his son’s female classmates lifting their shirts. It seemed to be a thing. These were selfies of the chest only, no faces, but he said it was easy enough to figure out who was who. He had to have the talk about child pornography and what having those images on one’s phone could mean. And then there’s the questions for the young women sending these pictures. Were they pressured to do so? Was this a fun way to experiment with their own sexuality? Were they ashamed afterwards? What? I can’t guess.

Gosh, coming of age issues have changed muchly since Hello God? It’s me Margaret haven’t they? 

There may be parental controls on devices, but are there really? I don’t have kids so these are not my issues. It just boggles my mind. 

In my ancient high school days of yore, no one (who I knew) turned to their parents to talk about sexual issues. In fact it was just the opposite. What would our parents know of sex? Then at some point into the nineties, parents seemed to realize that their kids were going to have sex anyway. Why not make it safe for them? Why not guard agains STDs and pregnancy and give them a safe place? 

From the outside looking in, I’m wondering if similar permissions should be considered for viewing sex online. Choose a counterbalance of films showing sexuality in a warm and realistic way that is respectful for all participants. There are such films and movies out there. Perhaps exercising parental influence over parental control? I have no idea, my mind remains boggled.

Stay safe everyone.

Anne Milne is an every Sunday blogger, unless it’s a holiday weekend. Or summertime. Facebook or email.