I spent New Year’s Eve alone and sick with a cold and it couldn’t have been a more pleasant evening. Other than the cold part. In all honesty, I’ve never been a big fan of the extra hoopla and energy that is foisted upon us at New Year’s Eve; neither am I a fan of New Year’s resolutions.

Decades ago at a New Year’s party I had one of the most confrontational conversations I’d ever had. A man I did not know well asked me, “Who are you?” instead of the usual, “What do you do?”. His intention, I’m sure, was to explore the convention of assessment and objectives for the new year in a novel way. The question made me feel defensive but I gamely answered with the obvious; name, career, a few family roles, sister, daughter etc.

My interrogator responded with, ‘So? …Who are you?’

Me, “Well, I’m nice…” and I trailed off.

Decades later I still recall how uncomfortable I was casting about for an honest and complete answer. Or at least a polite escape. With the wisdom of added (or addled) years, I think I can admirably answer the ‘Who Are You?’ question plus give a good accounting of what I stand for. I don’t need a party or a resolution for that.

All those New Year’s lists and promissory notes to self tend to make me feel like I’m all paper and no action. I appreciate deliberate efforts toward self improvement but the whole goal-setting thing I find distinctly unappealing. It feels too much like umm, … an old school nineties business thing. “Let’s slam dunk this goal and then… Get ready! On to the next goal!” 

It is possible to hit targets without over-heated, achieve-at-all-costs slam-dunkery.

For 2023, I do have objectives and goals — the name of this blog itself is a nod toward maintaining personal growth lest we get too content. But goals for me are no longer about giant achievements or enormous transformations.

I recently read an article that suggested setting up systems which, when repeated, would achieve predictable results. Now we’re talking. Systems I can handle. This year, my goals are related to my creative endeavours and getting the most out of my writing course. To that end, I’m building systems I can follow for predictable results. If I can’t keep up and find I’m falling behind in frustration, I’ll redesign the system rather than the intended outcome. 

I won’t set goals. I will build systems instead.

And to that long ago no-fun New Year’s Eve partygoer, a better question would be ’Who do you want to be?’

Because we’re all evolving. 

Stay safe everyone.

Anne Milne is an every Sunday blogger.  Facebook or email.