Two women walk into a busy pub. It is crowded, they walk all about the place until they find a suitable table close to three seated men. The tables were so close that the waitress asks,

“Are all of you together?”  

“No, we’re not.” say the two women.

“Not yet.” says one of the men.

That was the joke. The men at the table have a laugh. The women smile politely to each other and avoid eye contact with the men.

This was Friday night. My friend and I being the two women. Neither of us were offended by the joke, but we both chose not to respond, mainly because we didn’t want to start anything. 

Throughout our dinner, we could hear snippets of the men’s conversation; sports, a career ending injury, a friend’s pending divorce. I’m sure they heard bits and pieces of ours; books, her son’s business, a friend’s long ago divorce. 

The men finished their meal and rose to leave. My friend and I continued to ignore them while they donned jackets, packed up cell phones, eyeglasses, keys etc. and left. It’s not that we intended to be rude, we were just not interested. 

And suddenly the man who had said “Not yet” was back at our table, bent over from the waist to look us in the eye. In my arrogant little brain, I thought he was going to ask me out. Nope. He was coming back to apologize to both of us for having made the joke, as he put it, ‘at our expense’. 

Well. That was unexpected I must say. 

We both reassured him no harm was done. It was a mild joke after all, and in all honesty, no offence had been taken. Had he, or his friends pushed things further, then this would be a different story, but that did not happen. 

The fact that he returned to our table to make an apology did make my friend and I wonder. Why apologize at all? Did he assume because neither of us responded we must have been offended? Or has the MeToo movement had an effect and he questioned whether the joke was appropriate?

In any case, I think he genuinely wanted to leave us with a better impression. It worked. The apology made a much more favourable -and lasting- impression than the joke.

Stay safe everyone.

Anne Milne is an every Sunday blogger.  Facebook or Twitter.