Choices, Pauses
Ever since I sold my house I have been saying I need to sit for a year and let the dust settle. And then last week I had an unexpected job offer. It was for a very sociable job, in sales, in retail, in a sector in which I have limited experience, but it had fun stamped all over it. I could picture it. There was even some writing and social media involved. I was excited at the prospect.
And then I paused. What happened to letting the dust settle? What about all of my projects I have lined up?
Right now, I am grateful to be ‘not working’. I did not really choose to retire. It was more of a step by step slide into less and less demanding employment in tandem with my husband’s decline. At some point I will tire of my own company and will want to be engaged in projects, tasks and teamwork. But do I need to run into something right away?
The answer of course is no. Circumstances may have foisted change into my lap, but now my circumstances are all about choice.
A number of years ago, a friend of mine was reluctantly divorced. She took her foisted circumstances and chose to move across the country to a place she’d always wanted to live. She left her adult children and aging Mother behind. As I recall she took some criticism for her choice but I admired her for it. She had the opportunity to choose and she took it.
When I think of her move, it makes my little move — an hour away from my city — look like a baby step. Maybe it is. Perhaps I’m testing the water more-so than letting dust settle.
If Covid-19 circumstances were not foisted upon all of us right now, I would be traveling. However, it is a perfect time to take time, to get used to my own company and to work on projects of my choosing.
It’s okay to be on pause for a while. That’s a choice too.
Stay safe everyone.
I love your writing about the changes. As you and I both know all too well, the only thing that is sure about life is that things will change. I didn’t know you sold your house. That is big on its own, and you are right….you will know when the time is good for another change. It has been more than three years since my husband passed and I too made some pretty significant changes. Most of the changes have been awesome and necessary. More recent life developments have not always been met as positively because I too have changed. I am not the person I was three years ago and I think Ron would be happy that I am happy. I am happy. It took years to really feel happy again. I wear Ron in my heart every day. I don’t regret the caretaking part, but it was so so so hard. The recovery from that alone was long. It is what we do for our ailing husbands. I am sure for you, it feels good to not have regrets. You deserve time. Who knows? Maybe the next opportunity will be the one.
Thank you for sharing this Barb. I appreciate your support and understanding. I developed a whole new appreciation for what it means to be a caregiver. Glad to hear you are happy.