Life seems to be one long lesson. Some times the best lessons are learned early.

My first important job was as social worker in a very well respected family treatment centre. You couldn’t help but learn a lot in that type of work. Lessons came at you every day. The families and children we were dealing with were in pain and expecting to find help and relief from our counselling and treatment programs.

I was young. Probably too young for the job and the work I was trying to do. Actually let me say, maybe not too young, but just not very experienced in the real world.

One lesson came from a surprising source and has stuck with me ever since. I was meeting with a family whose adolescent son’s behaviour had gotten him kicked out of his community school. He was attending the specialized school within our treatment agency. He continued to act out and his behaviour had reached a point where we were considering kicking him out too. Imagine that. You are no longer welcome in the school that specializes in behavioural problem children.

It was my job to tell the family. The father in the family was a big blue collar worker. A long distance truck driver as I recall. And a union man.

I was nervous. I entered the meeting without any particular plan of what to say or how to say it. I resorted to my natural way of dealing with issues that make me uncomfortable. I was direct and to the point. I had no other skills; I had not yet developed any tactfulness, or ability to warm up a meeting, or even how to small talk.

I’m sure I didn’t exactly blurt it out, but it amounted to the same thing. In my memory, I started the meeting with some variation of, “We’ve been having some issues with your son’s behaviour and it has to stop, or else we are going to have to expel him.” Take note of the ‘or else’.

Not the best way to introduce a drastic measure to a family already struggling with their son’s negative behaviour.

The rest of the meeting, surprisingly enough, turned out pretty well. We came to some sort of agreement to keep the son in our classroom. No drastic measures were needed, or as I recall, ever. The son and family finished our programs and he returned to his community school.

The lesson I learned in that meeting came from the father. As he was exiting the room, he turned to me and said, “I’ve been involved in many union negotiations. One thing I’ve learned — never start a meeting with an ultimatum.”

He said it without rancour, in the manner of a coach to a young player. I hope I had the grace to say thank you, or at least blush.

A simple line of advice from an unexpected source. Lessons are everywhere.

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Anne Milne is an every Sunday blogger.  I keep it short and to the point.  Topics are as wide ranging as a straight but not narrow path.